As far back as I can remember, I have desired to become a wife and a mom one day. Fast forward to dating my first boyfriend, I faced the brutal reality of that relationship being toxic. It wasn’t until he said he planned to buy a ring and propose that I realized I did not want to be married to him. The thought of him proposing did not bring me a feeling of Peace. The best advice my mom has ever told me was, “If you do not have Peace in your heart about the decision, do not go with that decision.” After that breakup, I spent time falling in love with myself. I was so happy living life for myself, and I got my independence back.
It was about four-ish years after that breakup that I met someone new that I saw potential with. I had casually dated within those four years, but nothing that I wanted to proceed forward with. It was something out of a movie the way I met this guy. But that relationship did not come without its challenges. We grew close at a steady pace; nothing was rushed. We fell in love with each other, became best friends, and my dream of becoming a wife and a mother was so close. He proposed, and the wedding planning began soon after. The reality of the wedding happening started to fade away as challenges in the relationship began to arise. The wedding was called off, and later the relationship was over.
I was caught off guard and heartbroken, but Peace overcame me after a few days had passed. I had the realization that I knew all along; I just did not want to accept it. “You cannot love someone hard enough to make them stay.” Another lesson I learned is that a man who does not love himself cannot love you. That was a hard lesson to learn, but it was one I needed. I cannot love someone into the person I deserve. I am confident in who I am, and I am convinced that an end to this relationship was not the end of the world. I also have found grace and thankfulness in my heart for him. I am thankful that he made the decision to end things when we both knew we needed to. He knew he needed to love himself in order to have a healthy relationship, and he was brave enough to say we needed to be apart for that to happen.
I held on to a relationship, fighting to make it work because I loved him, and I wanted to have my dreams come true. A question I had to ask myself as I was fighting to make this relationship work was, “Am I fighting to make MY dream a reality, or am I fighting for my person?” I felt I had to make this work because I believed I was running out of time. Spoiler alert I’m not. There is no timeline for when you must be married, and there is no reason you should settle in a relationship just to meet a deadline you have created in your head. Know your worth, and do not settle for anything less. You will be thankful you did later down the road.
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